a study done by C. E. Coover and family, 08-5767 (11-2006)
Marriage ~ there are many questions, multiple ideas, and countless situations centered around this integral part of life. What are the answers to the questions? Which ideas are the correct ones? And what does Yahweh say about the ideal way to handle things?
First of all, let's take a look at Matthew 19.
Verse 3 ~ "The Pharisees also came unto Yahshua, testing Him, and saying unto Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?' " Let's stop and think about this a minute. Isn't this what the American culture has done? Yes, sadly it has declared it "legal" or "lawful" for one to put away his or her spouse FOR ANY REASON. But is this what Yahweh desires? Remember, when the Pharisees came asking this question, they were TESTING THE MESSIAH.
Verses 4-6 ~ "And He answered, ‘Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore Elohim hath joined together, let not man put asunder.' " Later on, we will be talking about this statement, "What therefore Elohim hath joined together." For the basics though, what has Yahshua just declared? Without directly answering their question, He made it clear that one cannot put away his wife for every cause." So the Pharisees had to test Him more.
Verse 7 ~ "They said unto Him, ‘Why did Moshe (Moses) then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?' " Keep in mind that the Pharisees are trying the Master. DID MOSHE REALLY COMMAND TO GIVE A WRITING OF DIVORCEMENT AND TO PUT HER AWAY?
Yahshua replies in verse 8 ~ "Moshe, because of the hardness of your hearts, ALLOWED you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so."
So let's look at Deuteronomy 24, which is where Moshe permitted them to put away their wives.
Verse 1 ~ "When a man hath taken a wife and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes because he hath found some matter of nakedness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house." To start with, we see that the issue is a matter of nakedness in the wife. While KJV translates it as "some uncleanness", the Strong's Concordance traces this word back to the Hebrew word # 6172, which means nudity and indecency. (See the Strong's and Strongest Strong's Hebrew Dictionaries.) The Strong's also tells us that this word can figuratively mean "disgrace" or "blemish", but obviously a physical marriage is not a figurative thing. The majority of the time, this Hebrew word is used when referencing physical nakedness in regards to human relationships, such as when Ham "saw the nakedness of his father" (Genesis 9:22), or when Yahweh commanded that one not uncover the nakedness of a close relation. Again, in Isaiah 20:4, this Hebrew word is translated as "shame", but from the context of the verse, is obviously speaking of nakedness. The word is also used several times, speaking of figurative nakedness, whoredom, or shame, in reference to figurative marriage (between Yahweh and His people) and/or fornication with the nations (that is, idolatry, or figurative fornication). In accordance with the way the rest of Scripture uses this verse, we see Deuteronomy 24:1 speaking of a physical marriage and a matter of physical nakedness being found in the wife. This clarifies that a man is not allowed to just put away his wife for anything he pleases.
But, is he commanded to put her away if he finds such a matter of nakedness? If we will look up the words in this verse in the Hebrew concordance, we will find that the word "let" (as in, "Let him write her a bill of divorcement") was never in the Hebrew, but was added by translators. In the Strongest Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, instead of a number at the end of the word, it instead says, "NIH", meaning that the word let is "Not In the Hebrew". In the Strong's, there is nothing at the end of the word except an asterisk (*), which signifies that in the Revised Version, this rendering was not used.
What about verse 2? "And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife." Once again we pose the question: Is Moshe commanding her to do so, or even condoning her doing so? In the Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, we find that this word "may" means "to be able, lit. (can, could) or mor. (may, might)". The Strongest Strong's, however, differs with the Strong's, stating that in this case, the word "may" is NIH (not in the Hebrew). We mentioned that in Deuteronomy 24:1, where KJV reads, "Let him write her a bill of divorcement", that the Revised Version translated it differently. Let's take a look at this Revised Version.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (RSV) ~ "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, who took her to be his wife; then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before [Yahweh], and you shall not bring guilt upon the land which [Yahweh] your [Elohim] gives you for an inheritance."
Revised Standard Version is not the only one which takes this stand on the issue.
Deuteronomy 24:1-2 (New Living Translation) ~ "Suppose a man marries a woman but later discovers something about her that is shameful. So he writes her a letter of divorce, gives it to her, and sends her away. If she then leaves and marries another man...."
Deuteronomy 24:1-2 (English Standard Version) ~ "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife...."
Deuteronomy 24:1-2 (New American Standard Bible) ~ "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts {it} in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's {wife,}...."
Deuteronomy 24:1-2 (Robert Young Literal Translation) ~ "When a man doth take a wife, and hath married her, and it hath been, if she doth not find grace in his eyes (for he hath found in her nakedness of anything), and he hath written for her a writing of divorce, and given [it] into her hand, and sent her out of his house, and she hath gone out of his house, and hath gone and been another man's....."
Even the New King James Version corrected this error.
Deuteronomy 24:1-2 (NKJV) ~ "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife,....."
It is obvious that Moshe did NOT "command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away", as the Pharisees deceitfully said. He did not even say it was permissable. However, he did put up with it, just as Yahweh does, saying, "If a man does this and this, and then the woman does this, and then the next man does this... OK, we've put up with enough. She can't go back and marry the first guy. The line's got to be drawn somewhere." As 1 Corinthians 14:33 says, "Elohim is not the author of confusion, but of peace..." Because of this, and because of the hardness of men's hearts, He puts up with those who are too hardhearted to want to make their marriages work out. He puts up with those who divorce their spouses, because He doesn't desire them to fight with each other. However, there comes a place where He draws the line, and says, "This will not be allowed." Does this mean that the divorce and remarriage was acceptable? Does it mean that that was truly what Yahweh and Moshe desired? No. As far as the divorce goes, "Yahweh the Elohim of Yisrael saith that He hateth putting away" (Malachi 2:16). And when it comes to the remarriage, Yahshua declared that "whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery" (Matthew 5:32), and Deuteronomy 24:4 makes it clear that after the woman goes and marries another, SHE IS DEFILED.
Returning to Matthew 19, Yahshua says, "I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery." (Matthew 19:9) Or, as He worded it in Matthew 5:32 ~ "Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery...." These verses raise several questions.
The first is: Is Yahshua saying that it is good for one to put away his wife if she has fornicated? Well, let's return to the Torah. In Deuteronomy 24:1 Moshe said that people do this, but he didn't say that it is good. "When a man hath married a wife, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some matter of nakedness in her, and he writes her a bill of divorcement and gives it in her hand and sends her out of his house......" Yahshua said to the men who tested him, "Moshe, because of the hardness of your hearts, allowed you to put away your wives." (Matthew 19:8) There are two cases of hard hearts. One is the man's heart, if he refuses to forgive his erring wife, and desires to get rid of her instead. The second is the woman's heart, if she refuses to accept forgiveness, and continues walking in uncleanness. Due to these two situations, Yahweh allows a cutting off and putting away, but He does not condone it.
The second question that comes up is whether or not it is OK to remarry. Yahshua said, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery." (Matthew 19:9) Or, as we read in Matthew 5:32 ~ "Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery...." Does this mean that it is OK for a man (or woman) to remarry if their spouse has indeed been maritally unfaithful? Well, to return to our first question, Does Yahweh even condone putting the offending spouse away? No, He simply allows it because of hard hearts. So, does Yahweh condone putting one's spouse away, and then remarrying on top of that? Of course not. As the disciples replied to Yahshua in Matthew 19:10, "If the case of a man be so with his wife (that is, she committed fornication against him), it is not good to marry (that is, remarry, as we see that he has already gotten married once)." To this Yahshua replied, "All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuches which have made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let Him receive it." (Matthew 19:11-12) Either we will receive it, or we are hard-hearted, for it is obvious that Yahshua's intention is not that if one's spouse is unfaithful, then it is OK for the other spouse to be unfaithful too. Rather, what He is saying is that whoever puts away his wife is encouraging her to commit adultery, by placing her out there on her own under the temptation to remarry. By encouraging her to commit adultery, he is partaking in the sin of adultery himself. The only way that he is not tempting her to be adulterous (and thus partaking of the sin himself) is if she already made herself unclean by committing fornication against him. Then, even though Yahweh does not desire a putting away (but rather a repentance and forgiveness), the man is not pushing his wife into uncleanness himself, for she has already made herself unclean. So, whosoever puts away his wife is partaking of adultery, unless she has already defiled herself. Whoever enters a second marriage after a divorce is also partaking of adultery. Mark 10:11-12 ~ "And He saith unto them, ‘Whosoever shall put away his wife (even if she has been unfaithful), and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband (even if he has been unfaithful), and be married to another, she committeth adultery.' " It all comes down to this: Whether one's wife has been unfaithful to him or not (or the other way around), he still promised to be faithful to her. He still promised that she would be his only soul mate as long as they both lived. To say, "Well, she broke her promise. She did it first. So now I am justified to break mine as well", is simply an excuse to be unfaithful himself. Does it matter who sins first and who sins second? Yahshua said, "[Thou] shalt perform unto Yahweh thine oaths." (Matthew 5:33) He didn't say, "As long as your spouse performs his or hers." If a man or woman makes a promise, he or she must keep that promise, disregarding whether or not the other one keeps their promise.
Genesis 2:22 ~ "And the rib which Yahweh Elohim had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man." Matthew 19:6 ~ "What therefore Elohim hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Does this mean that only the marriages which take place among believers are binding? To start with, let's look at a few other examples. Is it acceptable for a non-believer to murder, because of the fact that he has not bound himself to Yahweh's covenant? Is it permissable for him to steal another's possessions, as he has not dedicated himself to following Yahweh's instructions? Is it OK for him to break his promises? How about his marriage promises?
Matthew 5:31 ~ "It hath been said, ‘Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement.' " As we already discussed, that is not what Moshe really said. Yahshua turns our attention back to what Yahweh really intended, when He says in verse 32 ~ "But I say unto you that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." As Yahshua says these words, questions are raised. "Well then, if she commits fornication, are we allowed to remarry? And what about if we divorced a spouse back before we were believers? Does that promise count?
Yahshua was ready to immediately answer these questions, not even waiting for them to be asked. Matthew 5:33 ~ "Again, ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, ‘Ye shall not swear falsely, but shalt perform unto Yahweh thine oaths.' " This command was given in Leviticus 19:12, where Yahweh commanded, "And ye shall not swear by My Name falsely, neither shalt thou prophane the Name of thy Elohim: I am Yahweh." The Pharisees had twisted this verse to suit themselves, saying that as long as the oath was not made in Yahweh's Name (swearing by Yahweh), then it could be broken. According to them, certain kinds of oaths were binding, but others were obsolete. An example of this is found in Matthew 23. In verses 16-19, the Pharisees were saying that if somebody swore by the Temple, they did not have to keep that oath. The only way they had to keep it was if they swore by the gold in the Temple. Another one of their perversions was that if one swore by the alter, it was not binding, and that he was only held to his promise if he had sworn by the gift on the alter. Thus they twisted and perverted the Scriptures, seeking to make ways to "lawfully lie". Isn't this what we are doing when we say that a nonbeliever's marriage promises are of none effect?
What does Yahshua have to say about it? Matthew 5:34-37 ~ "But I say unto you, ‘Swear not falsely by ANYTHING, neither by heaven, for it is Elohim's throne: nor by the earth, for it is His footstool: neither by Yahrushalayim (Jerusalem), for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.' " His closing remark is, "But let your communication be ‘Yea, yea; nay, nay': for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil." If one says, "Yes, I do", that stands as a "Yes, I do", whether they did it in Yahweh's Name or not. Exception clauses and excuses for unfaithfulness and remarriage come of evil, and are not part of Yahweh's desire.
Too often when reading passages on the marriage subject, we neglect to look at things in context. There is far more to the marriage issue than what we have read so far.
First of all, let's return to Deuteronomy 24. Here, Moshe gives an account of the grave mistakes and defilement of a hard-hearted people, along with prohibitions for certain abominable actions. Immediately following this, though, He starts over at the beginning, talking about when a man hath first taken his wife. The idea is, "OK, guys, it's obvious that there's an awful lot of people messing up drastically. Let's start at the beginning and try to fix things before they ever go wrong." Deuteronomy 24:5 (English Standard Version) ~ "When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken." The message is clearly that a good relationship needs to be built, a relationship of genuine love, faithfulness, and happiness in each other. How much better marriages would turn out if the couple was not so busy running their own ways in life. Yahweh's desire is that a marriage start out with a healthy foundation of understanding and happiness.
Now we'll return to Mark 10. Immediately following a discussion on marriage, divorce, and remarriage, "And they brought young children to Him, that He should touch them, and His disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Yahshua saw it, He was much displeased, and said unto them, ‘Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not: for of such is the Kingdom of Elohim. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the Kingdom of Elohim as a little child, he shall not enter therein.' And He took them up in His arms, put His hands upon them, and blessed them." (Mark 10:13-16) Yahshua was not only displeased with His disciples turning away the little ones; He was also displeased with those who would not believe as a little child, and who would hardheartedly ruin their marriages and families, thus causing their own little ones to stumble. In today's divorce and remarriage scenarios, are children taken into account?
Last of all, an important topic of relevance is the heart. Matthew 5:27-30 ~ "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee. For it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee. For it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." If one becomes discontent with his or her spouse, and begins to lust after somebody else instead, the answer is NOT to cut off the first spouse, but to cut off the lust and the adultery of heart. Physical adultery is so rampant around us, because purity of heart has been neglected. No one wants to pluck out his own eye or cut off her own hand. Yet many are so quick to cut off bone of their bone, flesh of their flesh.
When Yahweh looks at a situation, He doesn't just look at it from one perspective. He looks at the whole situation, and at everything involved. He looks at those who will be affected negatively or positively, depending on how an issue is handled. He looks at the hearts of those involved. But more than just this, He also provides answers to us. He gives us solutions, so that we can live pleasing to Him.
Yahshua says, "He that is able to receive it, let Him receive it." Will we receive His words? He desires that we be fanatical about being pure and unadulterated. He wants us to apply love, forgiveness, and commitment in life's daily situations. He yearns that our hearts be not hard, but that we be molded according to His perfect desires. May it be so in our hearts, marriages, children, and homes. Yahweh bless you.